i was blowing through Victoria a years or so ago, and called up my friends Galadriel & Flash to see what was happening. After getting over the brief shock of hearing i was in town Galadriel asked me, “Do you want to go see a local indie dyke bluegrass band?” Well, who can turn down an invite like that? And so, i was introduced to a great band at one of the best live shows ever. i gave Galadriel $15 and a couple more weeks later a copy of Triangle Mountain by Barley Wik was in my possession. At that point, the band was selling the CD themselves, at concerts (they ran out that night), or through friends and supportive fans.
Just this week, i was brainstorming with a friend while mixing up a few minidiscs, and i recalled Barley Wik, and it dawned on me that Kimber still has my copy! She returned clothes that i’d given her, but not that disc. Worth a good laugh, i tell ya! Well, i can’t blame her; they’re that good, and she always really did like that album.
i see now that they’ve released a second offering, Dusty Lullaby, which i shall have to get ahold of if i can. Maybe two copies; i can think of at least one person who’d appreciate it for Xmas or somesuch…
October 12, 2004
LOL, i thought she was sending back ALL my stuff!
a Serious diagnosis
Over a meal last night, friends and family alike agreed that i have a problem. My long-time pal Serious who works with “troubled” youth (and has a nice psychology degree) reaffirmed what some other folks have been saying for years. A little research of my own, and it looks true.
Kimber was right all along: i’m mildly autistic. Actually, it looks like i have Asperger’s Syndrome. No wonder i’m so brilliant! No wonder i’m so fucked up!
So, what does this mean? Not a whole hell of alot, really. There’s a pharmacopia out there waiting to “treat” me, but then i wouldn’t really be “me” anymore. The cognitive therapy and medative practice i’ve engaged in so far seem to be the best there is. Knowing that some doctor has named a condition, and that it applies to me, doesn’t help much, at least not directly. It does, however, alleviate some of the “what’s wrong with me?!” anxiety, and makes the “cognitive” part of cognitive therapy that much more literal. At least it supplies a better label than “weird”, or being lumped in with the ubiquitous ADHD crowd.
There’s folks from my past that i’d like to ask about this revelation. Unfortunately, my personality has pushed alot of them away. It would be interesting to see how people feel when they learn that i actually can’t always behave a different way, even when i really want to, and that my “weirdness” doesn’t alter my underlying humanity; it just makes it very difficult for me to translate my thoughts and emotions into something more plainly recognizable by “normal” people.
Further in-depth information can be found here.
October 10, 2004
a song, a place, a time
Ever hear a song that seems to express up whatever yer feelin’ at the time? Today’s musical memory is from Mason Jennings. Read on:
“California”
Don’t you know baby i’m a leading man
I dig down deep when i say i love you
And i can hold my own with the best of them
I guarantee you, you will never see nothing like this again
California, i hope that it wakes you
From all of the darkness
That i couldn’t break through’cause
I’m gonna miss you, i’m gonna miss you
Don’t you know that i did the things i could
I rubbed your back when you were sleeping
But all along baby it was understood
That you were leaving, absolutely
Since the very first day we met
California, i hope that it wakes you
From all of the darkness
That i couldn’t break through’cause
I’m gonna miss you, i’m gonna miss you
Like i miss the ocean
When i go to sleep
Man, it’s gonna break my heart
Well holy crap in a handbag… if you were there, you’d say that song just about explains everything that happened to me in California last winter. Nice to hear a lovesong that doesn’t condemn, judge, or whine… just expresses the way things are. Of course, a nautical reference as well… I strongly reccomend a listen; several albums out there now.
October 8, 2004
another “Last Huzzah?
On the road-trip. Been travellin’. For over awhile now, i’ve been out an’ about, seeing old friends, and generally “takin’ care of bidness”; spending my earnings, catching light with the new camera, and generally living well.
For those of you who care to know, my mood has taken a turn for the better; sure, i still think about her, but now the feelin’s vary ‘tween missing her friendship and sympathy, rather than anger and grief. About right now is the time when we were to start speaking again, at least according to her master plan. (more…)
The cause of my newfound joy? Ah… the road-trip: old friends, new friends, good friends. Real intelligent conversations on psychology, politics, and revolution over sushi. Debate on the merits of Marxism at Deserts Cafe. Tapas and confessions with Zoe. Running into Johnny outside the noodle shop in a city neither of us expected to be in. Five nights in a row dining at DV8; knowing all the staff’s names, and being known in return. Absinthe in the company of strangers, friends, and the unknown (have you met the green fairy?). The view from the peak of Hollyburn Mountain, sharing the setting sun with a friend, and feeling the burn in our legs on the long jog down. Sleeping on the best damned mattress at Blue’s. Sleeping on the couch at Lind’s. Sleeping on the air-mattress at Slack’s. Sleeping on the Floor at Ryan & Kim’s. Sleeping in the van behind the bar after the punk show with Findlay shivering and farting beside me. Hundreds of fresh photos (some to find their way to this blog). Discs full of freshly-bootlegged concerts. Laughing at the roots under the carpets of the basement in East Van. Finding out how pissed off Djane was when i split town without telling anyone where i was going. Bumping into Rob (who disappeared once himself) and hearing him say, “After 12 years, you’re the only friend I really regret leaving behind”.
Fuck everyone who calls it external gratification; these true friends of mine are the reason i keep on going. I’m loved unconditionally by people i’d hardly realized were there at all (damn me for a fool)! Love and human relationships are really that important. All we have is each other; even when it seems like nobody is there for you, you can be there for someone else. That’s the greatest thing. Some people talk about the limits to their love and friendship, as if selflessness might only be extended when it cannot compromise your dignity, self-respect, or self-worth. i disagree, but it’s damn hard to become that sort of person is who strong enough to give everything away! In fact, it’s just a little harder than being strong enough to keep it all to yourself.
But now, the paperwork is in order. Summer was a bust, and fall profitable enough, but the coming winter looks to be the best season yet. My mariner’s book has some nice new pages in it, the requisite visas and permits are in my bag, and it’s time to fly away. There’s just time for another “last hurrah”, maybe another meal with friends at DV8, or a rant over fallafel on Commercial Drive. There’s 1/2 a bottle o’ Fireball in the basement, and friends enough, new and old, to share this parting shot. HUZZAH!
