Today is my parent’s 21st wedding anniversary. i must admit, that scale of time and commitment gets to me. Earlier this summer, i asked my mother why she’d stayed with my stepfather so long, when clearly the first 10 years of their marriage were… “Constant hell?”, snorted my mother, sarcasm being the favoured communication mode in this family.
She went on to say that She and He had come to the point where they wanted that life-long commitment. They saw in one another that person who they knew would complement them in life. Myself, i can hardly name two other folks so apparently dissimilar! Still, the biggest thing that they shared was a desire for commitment, and despite all the anger and sorrow, they both knew that they were an unassailable team. Indeed, over the years, it seems unimagineable to picture them apart, though they still move in different social circles, and have wildly differing hobbies, jobs, and opinions.
Only recently have i really come to see how this steadfast example has affected me. i’ve grown up to believe in the powerful synergy of a commited relationship, and i’ve found myself pursuing that same ideal for myself. i supose that i’ve become more relentless than neccesary in this, my desire for partnership. Is this really what i want, or a holdover from my childhood conditioning? I’ve seen how parents can inflict horrible values upon their children, like distrust and anger; have i had some innapropriate values thrust upon me as well? Will i always believe that relationships are born out of struggle, and that peaceful love can only be the fruit of years of commitment, often in the face of much sorrow?
Lately, i’ve had some heady discussions with my friends Serious and Professica about social activism and revolution. It’s made me begin to rethink my own life-goals, and the way in which i value myself as a member of a global community. Serious and Professica are pretty different from each other too, with vastly different ways of expressing their views, but when they come together, it’s nigh impossible to win an argument with them!
All in all, on this day of anniversary, i’m given to thoughts of commitment and responsibility, both to myself, my friends & family, the world, and to that one true partner of mine, wherever she is. What’s a promise worth? i’m still finding out…