Waiting for sleep a few nights ago, i said to myself, “Y’know, this is really all okay.”. i gave a start! only “okay”? i recall times in the bus, falling asleep in the coldest winter gloom, the fire out, and frost gathering on my blankets, smiling like an idiot, and telling the cat, “Boiler, this is as good as it gets! As good as it gets!!“! Just so happy to be alive and living in my bus, with my cat. Alive!
Now? Only “okay”? What gives? Ah… i’m thinking of this new Mark Knopfler song that’s been playing on the radio; there’s this line, “sometimes you have to be an S.O.B./if you want to make a dream reality”. Am i being a shit towards myself to further this dream of having my own boat?
Ah well, it’s probably just Christmas; like most annual holidays/events, it serves as another reminder of another whole year gone by full of failures, hesitations, and denial. i came to the Carib for the opportunity to end that cycle, just as i once came to my bus. Sacrifice, sacrifice… at least i can finally see an end to it…