breaking even

Every once in awhile this certain thought pops into my head, summoned into existance by some otherwise unrelated chance encounter with people, places, or other thoughts themselves. In short, life is good; with each passing day, i am able to say anew, “This is the single-longest stretch of time since moving out of my parent’s home when i have not had to worry”. My accomodations aren’t luxurious, but i DO live on my own boat, rent-free. i’m not possessed of many close friends here, but i DO have the respect and support of a great local community of aquaintances, neighbors, and like-minded boat-folk. i’m not rich, but i DO always seem to have a few spare hundred in my pocket. i wouldn’t call my life luxurious, but if i want to go out for a meal, i go out (probably far too often); if i want to buy a new toy, i do; if i want to take a couple days off work to go sailing, i can.
When did this start? i trace it back and back and… oh yeah, things started getting better when Kim dumped me. Now, i’m not saying that there’s a connection there, just a matter of timing, i guess. Single life has been pretty good to me, at any rate. The only lady that demands my money and attention is Centaurea, and she’s pretty easy to satisfy; i mean, anything better than being abandoned here in the boatyard for another lifetime or two is a good thing for such a soulful boat.
i have my moody moments, but generally-speaking, i’d be hard-pressed to describe a bad day experienced since i moved here. The islands aren’t where i want to spend the rest of my life (or even another year, really), but it’s been a good run so far. i think i’m breaking even… balancing the scales. Making up for the shitty days.
“They say” that living well is the best revenge… well, yeah, maybe… i think that living well, really well, is what happens when you stop caring about revenge; when living well is just that, not “living better than”. Of course, it’s easy to feel morally positive when the basic needs are met; food, shelter, clothing, a boat, a dream…
For so long i wanted to take someone else on this ride. Now that i’m able to (financially and logistically), i find that i no longer really want to. But maybe that’s just breaking even again… the scale tips the other way, seasons revolve, and new adventures (surely, less lucrative ones, at that) beckon.


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