highschool forever

Around 8 years of age, I made a sort of vow to myself, a commitment to never forget what it was like to be a kid. To this day, I feel like I’ve been pretty successful at keeping that commitment, although the end result of such has both changed me and been changed by me over the years.
Maybe it all lies in the subtle difference between “always remembering” and “never forgetting”.
Either way, I’ve been a little kid for a very long time. Sometimes that holds my adult self back. On the other hand, sometimes -oftentimes- a pervasive childlike wonder and emotional/creative openness has made for much beautiful and interesting life experience.
Part of the inception of this commitment has always been the feeling that the “grown ups” had all really lost touch with their child-selves, and parallel to my own adult experience has been the feeling that all too many of my contemporaries have done just that.
But, whoa, let me fast-forward to the now.
So many of the interpersonal conflicts I’ve witnessed in my life and in the lives of my peers over these last few “grown-up” years suddenly seem -to me, anyways- to come straight out of highschool. With that, the realization that the grown-ups, me included, haven’t really been growing up that much after all; that we’re each mainly still the kids we were, 15-20 years old, with all our adult fears and foibles rooted in highschool, forever.
Only in this last year or so have I -surprisingly- caught myself stepping away or aside from some of my self-imposed commitment. Maybe it’s been the ol’ “Adventure At Sea” syndrome, or just enough perspective on my past. Either way, I’m surprising myself with how I deal with those parts of my life that would previously had my highschool self on the ropes or out the door. Maybe.
Right now, it’s time to go clean my room. 😉


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