reality check

After several Facebook “friend requests”, and subsequent denials, this recent exchange:

Subject: “Denied for a third time and I’m out!”

Wow. you are something. I’m not really sure why you don’t want to even remotely talk to me anymore, but I guess you have your reasons. Hope all is going well with you.

I thought about this for about as much time as it had taken me to ponder the different aspects of having hit that “ignore” button those three times, and replied:


I’m not “not talking to you”; I’ve simply made it my policy to limit my Facebook friend list to people whom I have actually met, know, and have a real human connection with. I have other internet “pen-pals” who are likewise not on my Facebook feed.
Please recall the entire month I spent in [the city], making myself available to you at every possible opportunity, and how you remained too busy to meet with me in person.
My real human friendships are extremely important to me; please respect that I choose not to dilute them with casual, flippant, or temporary acquaintances. I am not a “friend of convenience” who exists to increase some Facebook statistic or provide idle entertainment.
I am a real, vibrant, living, breathing human being, who puts vital effort into friendship, and expects the same in return.
Can you really honestly say that you’re offering me the same?



Does that sum it up accurately? Was I too harsh? It’s not a good feeling to shut someone down like that, especially someone with whom I’d once enjoyed a lively correspondence, but neither does it feel fair and reasonable to perpetuate an otherwise shallow and baseless relationship for the sake of simply being able to.

  1. Jennilyn’s avatar

    You are good. I periodically go through my “friends” list and weed out people who I haven’t chatted with or actually talked to in a while. I find it therapeutic…like going through my wardrobe and picking out and purging things I’ll likely never wear again. Can you do that with people? Why not?



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